Fantasy Cat vs Reality Cat

Fantasy Cat – as seen on your TV
Reality Cat – as seen only at mealtimes

FC: Loves you for yourself.
RC: Loves you for your tin opener.
 
FC: Is called Morton Throgmorton CloudDancer III.
RC: Is called ‘The cat’ ‘oi! stoppit’ or ‘buggroff’.
 
FC: Wakes you at 7 am with a dainty lick on the nose.
RC: Wakes you at 3am with a rasping lick on the nose, and breath that would corrode the armour off a panzer tank.
 
FC: Lies on your lap and purrs softly.
RC: Lies on your lap and farts loudly.
 
FC: Delicately holds out a paw to have her nails trimmed.
RC: Lets you trim her claws when you have extracted them from your forearm.
 
FC: A few minutes play reminds you of your bond of love and affinity.
RC: A few minutes play reminds you to get more and stronger flea powder.
 
FC: Vigorously scratches her scratch post.
RC: Vigorously scratches her scratch post, the sofa, anything with stockings, the curtains, the neighbours dahlias, the …
 
FC: Adores you.
RC: Notices you when she’s hungry.
 
FC: Loves her favourite brand of cat food.
RC: Loved it last week, this week it was something different, now … oh, do try to keep up.
 
FC: Plays with a ball of wool.
RC: Plays with mouse intestines.
 
FC: Has a glossy coat, thanks to XXX catfood.
RC: Has a dandruff-ridden scruffy coat that smells of old socks.
 
FC: Rubs against you affectionately on the sofa.
RC: Rubs against you affectionately on the sofa only if you are wearing your best suit/cocktail dress, and she’s shedding particularly heavily.
 
FC: Chases her tail.
RC: Chases the neighbours peke.
 
FC: Delicately scratches kitty litter over her doings.
RC: Vigorously scratches kitty litter over a 3 metre radius.
 
FC: Is a little bundle who makes life better and happier.
RC: Is just the same, really, which makes you wonder why the advertisers bother.


One Response to “Fantasy Cat vs Reality Cat”

  1. haha loving it !

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