Quotes and One-liners

Abraham Lincoln:

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

Agnes Repplier:

A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatsoever, and generally stopping before it gets there.

Albert Schweitzer:

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

Alisha Everett:

When dogs leap onto your bed, it’s because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it’s because they adore your bed.

Allen & Ivy Dodd:

There are people who reshape the world by force or argument, but the cat just lies there, dozing, and the world quietly reshapes itself to suit his comfort and convenience.

Ann Taylor:

Dogs eat. Cats dine.

Anthony Henderson Euwer:

Some cats are blind and some stone deaf. But ain’t no cat wuz ever dumb.

Archbishop Whately:

Nominative, cat. Vocative, puss.

Arthur Bridges:

Cats have an infallible understanding of total concentration … and get between you and it.

A cat isn’t fussy – just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor.

Bill Adler:

A cat is there when you call her – if she doesn’t have anything better to do.

Bill Dana:

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.

Bonni Elizabeth Hall:

When you come upon your cat, deep in meditation, staring thoughtfully at something that you can’t see, just remember that your cat is, in fact, running the universe.

Bruce Graham:

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will p**s on your computer.

Carl Van Vechten:

The cat seldom interferes with other people’s rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.

Charles J. Brady:

The real measure of a day’s heat is the length of a sleeping cat.

Charlotte Gray:

After scolding one’s cat one looks into it’s face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it has understood every word. And has filed it for reference.

Cleveland Amory:

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human mind.


There are no ordinary cats.

Dave Edwards:

In my house lives a cat who is a curmudgeon and cantankerous, a cat who is charming and convivial, and a cat who is combative and commendable. And yet I have but one cat.

Donna McCrohan:

A cat can purr its way out of anything.

Dr. Louis J. Camuti:

Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.

In my experience, cats and beds seem to be a natural combination.

Doug Larson:

The cat could very well be man’s best friend, but he would never stoop to admit it.

Edward Paley:

The last thing I would accuse a cat of is innocence.

Ellen Perry Berkeley:

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.

Emile Auguste Chartier:

Two things are aesthetically perfect in the world – the clock and the cat.

Erasmus Darwin:

To respect the cat is the beginning of the aesthetic sense.

Ernest Hemingway:

One cat just leads to another.

A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.

Evan Esar:

The cat: an animal that’s so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.

A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.

Fernand Mery:

With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?

François-Auguste Paradis de Moncrif:

Everything that moves, serves to interest and amuse a cat. He is convinced that nature is busying herself with his diversion; he can conceive of no other purpose in the universe.

François-René de Chateaubriand:

The cat lives alone. He has no need of society. He obeys only when he wishes, he pretends to sleep the better to see, and scratches everything he can scratch.

Garrison Keillor:

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

George Mikes:

A dog will flatter you, but you have to flatter the cat.

You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

George Will:

The phrase ‘domestic cat’ is an oxymoron.

Georgina Strickland Gates:

Her function is to sit and be admired.

Hank Ketchum:

Meow is like aloha, it can mean anything.

Hank Roll:

If cats seem distant and aloof it is because this is not their native planet – they are here just to visit and dominate.

Hazel Nicholson:

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.

Henry David Thoreau:

A kitten is so flexible that she is almost double; the hind parts are equivalent to another kitten with which the forepart plays. She does not discover that her tail belongs to her until you tread on it.

H. G. Wells:

The cat, which is a solitary beast, is single minded and goes its way alone; but the dog like its master is confused in his mind.

Hippolyte Taine:

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

Italo Calvino:

The city of cats and the city of men exist one inside the other, but they are not the same city.

Jacquelyn Mitchard:

Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.

James Gorman:

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren’t like this. A dog’s idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish.

Cats don’t bark and act brave when they see something small in fur or feathers, they kill it. Dogs tend to bravado. They’re braggarts. In the great evolutionary drama the dog is Sergeant Bilko, the cat is Rambo.

James Mason:

Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailingly ingenious in that respect.

Jay Leno:

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Jeff Valdez:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jenny de Vries:

A cat allows you to sleep on the bed. On the edge.

Jerome K. Jerome:

A cat’s got her own opinion of human beings. She don’t say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.

Jim Davis:

Garfield’s Law: Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners will awaken … then they awaken them ten minutes sooner.

Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.

I understand now why the Egyptians worshipped cats: They had no choice!

John Dingman:

Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own.

John Updike:

A computer and a cat are somewhat alike … they both purr, and like to be stroked, and spend a lot of the day motionless. They also have secrets they don’t necessarily share.

John Weitz:

Even overweight, cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.

Joseph Wood Krutch:

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

Jules Champfleury:

There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten.

A little drowsing cat is an image of perfect beatitude.

Karel Capek:

Quite obviously a cat trusts human beings; but she doesn’t trust a cat because she knows her better than we do.

K. C. Buffington:

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal – it’s also the reason they hate birds.

Konrad Lorenz:

The cat is a wild animal that inhabits the homes of humans.

Lee Entrekin:

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do.

Leonardo Da Vinci:

The smallest feline is a masterpiece.

Lewis Carroll:

It is a very inconvenient of kittens (Alice had once made the remark) that, whatever you say to them, they always purr.

Lillian Johnson:

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat.

Lowell Thomas:

In Istanbul I met a man who said he knew beyond a doubt that God was a cat. I asked why he was so sure, and the man said, “When I pray to him, he ignores me.”

Lynn Hollyn:

Essentially, you do not so much teach your cat as bribe him.

Lynn M. Osband:

The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world.

Marcia Fischer:

You can feel an awful fool standing at the bottom of the garden yelling pussy, pussy, pussy across a totally deserted meadow. Especially when you realise that pussy, pussy, pussy is watching you, with benign interest, from the shelter of the garden shed.

Marilyn Peterson:

Everything comes to those who wait … except a cat.

Mark Twain:

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

A home without a cat, and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat, may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove its title?

Mary Bly:

Dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you later.

Michael Joseph:

All cats are possessed of a proud spirit, and the surest way to forfeit the esteem of a cat is to treat him as an inferior being.

Michael Nelson:

Cats do care: For example, they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off.

Michael Stevens:

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the most inconvenience.

Missy Dizick:

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

Oliver Herford:

Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

Pam Brown:

A cat likes to hear you calling him. He sits in a bush a yard from your shoes – and listens.

Paul Gallico:

All you have to remember is Rule 1: When in doubt – wash.

Paul Gray:

Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place.

Penny Ward Moser:

Cats only occupy space and think about three things: food, sex and nothing. If they’re neutered that leaves food.

P. G. Wodehouse:

Cats as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by that fact that in Ancient Egypt they were worshipped as gods.

Ray Charles:

Whether they be the musician cats in my band or the real cats of the world, they all got style.

Raymond Chandler:

I am one of the most fanatical cat lovers in the business. If you hate them, I may learn to hate you. If your allergies hate them, I will tolerate the situation to the best of my ability.

Robert A. Heinlein:

How you behave toward cats here below determines your status in Heaven.

Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

Roseanne Ambrose-Brown:

Places to look: behind the books in the bookshelf, any cupboard with a gap too small for any cat to squeeze through, the top of anything sheer, under anything too low for a cat to squash under, and inside the piano.

Roy Blount, Jr.:

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.

Sandy Parkinson:

A dog will run to greet you at the door. A cat will say, “Oh, have you been out?”

I’m a responsible cat owner. I know I am because my cats hold me responsible for everything that goes wrong in the house.

Sidney Denham:

Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player. The cat, of course, never breaks a rule. If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue.

Sir Compton Mackenzie:

The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal.

Sir Walter Scott:

Cats are a mysterious kind of folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of.

Stephen Baker:

Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.

To bathe a cat requires brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction… and a cat. The last ingredient is the hardest to come by.

Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.

Cats don’t mind sharing the bed with fellow cats, as long as the area is equitably divided among them. Usually there is room for everyone on a first-come-first-served basis – under the blanket, on top of the blanket, on the pillow, under the pillow, at the head of the bed, at the foot of the bed, in that order. Any space left over goes to the owner.

Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled and it makes a sound when you jump on it.

Stuart McMillan:

A meow massages the heart.

Tay Hohoff:

There are few things in life more heartwarming than being welcomed by a cat.

Terry Pratchett:

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

T. S. Eliot:

When a Cat adopts you there is nothing to be done about it except to put up with it until the wind changes.

Walter Lionel George:

Cats know how to obtain food without labour, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties.

Will Cuppy:

If a cat does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

William H. A. Carr:

Cats are like greatness: Some people are born into cat-loving families, some achieve cats, and some have cats thrust upon them.

Winifred Carriere:

I suspect that many an ailurophobe hates cats only because he feels they are better people than he is — more honest, more secure, more loved, more whatever he is not.

If a cat did not put a firm paw down now and then, how could his human remain possessed.

author unknown:

A cat is always at the wrong side of the door.

A cat is an attitude with fur.

A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization.

A cat will tolerate cuddling and stroking – if she has nothing better to do.

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

CAT (n): 1. Furry Keyboard Cover. 2. Alarm Clock.

Cats seem always to be finding new ways to do nothing.

Cats are like Baptists. They raise hell but you can’t catch them at it.

Cats are like music. It’s foolish to try to explain their worth to those who don’t appreciate them.

Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral.

Cats could have ruled the universe but couldn’t be bothered.

Cats do not think that they are little people. They think that we are big cats. This influences their behavior in many ways.

Cats have amazingly keen hearing but go conveniently deaf when you call.

Cats have the simplest of taste – only the best will suffice.

Cats know how we feel; they just don’t give a damn.

Cats make their demands with such cunning that we respond to them as if they had made polite requests.

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

Dogs will drop everything and come when you call. Cats check their schedule and fit you in.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Give a cat a fish and you feed her for a day; teach a cat to fish and she will wait for you to feed her.

If God created man in his own image, you’ve got to wonder; in whose image did he create the nobler cat?

If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.

Last year a team of scientists published the results of an extensive study of cat language. They determined that although cats may demonstrate a wide variety of vocalizations, they actually only have two phrases that are translatable into human terms: 1. Hurry up with that food. 2. Everything here is mine.

My cat’s not spoiled… I’m just well trained.

Sure, it’s clean laundry. The cat’s sleeping on it, isn’t he?

The difference between a cat and a dog is that a cat can bark … and doesn’t.

The internet was invented specifically for displaying pictures of one’s cat.

There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but you get only one try per cat.

To a cat,”NO!” means “Not while I’m looking.”

With my cat, I don’t need an alarm clock. I just wish I could figure out how to turn her off on the weekends.

You know the cat rules the house when he’s sleeping in the best armchair and you’re sitting on the floor.


One Response to “Quotes and One-liners”

  1. I like looking through a post that will make people think. Also, thank you for allowing me to comment.

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